It has been over 3 years since my return from Singapore, although I have since traveled back there and stayed for a time in Indonesia. That is to say it has been over 3 years since I lived in Singapore.
I originally traveled to Singapore for a few reasons, mainly because I was so frustrated with my life at that time. Particularly my relationships which all seemed to last between 1 and 2 years, that is since my 10 year marriage and divorce. It was during that time I felt I was getting old and not accomplishing the things I had set out to do, on of those things which seemed to be slipping by was traveling the world. So I decided to research where I might travel 2, starting with Asia and Africa as top level destinations. I decided I wasn't ready for Africa although it seemed to call to me. So picking the lesser of 2 evils (sorry I didn't mean it dear Africa) I choose Asia, which is probably and actually the most evil, but not as deadly.
In retrospect I see that most of my really big life changes have come from a dis-satisfaction with my love life.
Anyway after further research I concluded that Singapore would be my first port of call, because of it being the only Asian country where English is not only the first language, but is used by most of it's residents. If you don't believe that, look it up. T-h-e-y s-p-e-a-k v-e-r-y g-o-o-d e-n-g-l-i-s-h, although they are quick to point out they speak proper queens English. This is also laughable, because it may not be our bastard american English, but it is pigeon Queens English. And that is it's true colour (not a misspelling, but rather honest and correct UK English.)
Anyway in my infinite male-slutiness I decided to recruit a Singapore girlfriend, which I managed to do before I even got there, I am so capable! It always amazes me my (and people in general) ability to lie to oneself about one's motivations. I guess we all have a bit of whore in us (don't deny it!) In my defense I did really love her and married her which lasted over 10 years (OMG another pattern.) She, or I should say we became disenfranchised the first time after I lost focus on my life (not again) and separated from her for a few months. During that time I realized I was not doing my readings, meditating or teaching, which are all things I love to do. Apparently these things were not only my love but also my heart, and it was withering. So I returned to my wife and explained my unhappiness and that it had nothing to do with her. That I had left because I needed to find myself and I had done so. She was very intrigued and began sitting in my readings, learned to meditate and "control" energy. She seemed to love it as much as I did, not only that I am very sure she found answers and power she may never have found without those experiences.
A year after my epiphany and reunion with my Singapore wife, I opened Be Psychic. The name I sort of stole from a failing new age magazine called "BE." Such a perfect name "BE". What else could BE so perfect in describing human existence and spirituality. But I could not steal it outright and BE by itself although profound is not a very good indication of what you do.... "What do you do?", 'Oh, I be!' In my case I was being Psychic and that is also what I taught, to be psychic or to be of one's spirit.
My little school, Be Psychic, flourished and grew slowly but steadily for 8 years. It was after the eight year that things went bad. I had a Japanese graduate who opted to join our apprentice program. She was not happy with the way things were and felt we should be more airy-fairy like most other people. We didn't have enough beauty, false compassion and wishful thinking. After I reprimanded her for trying to "fix" my little school she began campaigning with the other staff to over throw my little school. Actually at first she tried to take all my staff and start her own love and light festival, when she found my staff were to loyal then she started sabotaging. After some time everyone seemed to be revolting, at least it was to me. My Singapore wife decided she didn't like the heat and got out of the kitchen, or in plain English she told me she no longer wished to work in the school.
I guess I had not realized how much I relied on her. At first I just tried to respect her decision, but after some time I became more and more resentful that she had abandoned my mission and me. Things just went down hill rapidly from there. She began resenting me for spending so much time at the school and "caring about your stupid school more than me", I resented her for not being there. I should have cleared the decks and just fired most of my staff, but I didn't trying to keep things together. Our numbers went down, then we had a difficult time paying the rent. Then I had to close down the school, which was so damn depressing I just lost hope.
I separated again, going my own way. I began finding young ladies who glorified foreigner men and drowned my sorrows in tons of sweet young Asian pussy. After 4 months of this I began to realize I could not keep this up, I felt shallow and empty, even lots of good sex could not disperse it. I became deeply depressed and in a dark moment decided to end my life. Taking a sharp knife I cut into my wrists, vertically so as to do it correctly. Interestingly the knife could not seem to reach any large arteries. I recall this has always been a problem for me, I would always have to look away when getting shots because the needle would simply break before it would find a vein or artery in my body. Anyway, my suicide was failure, but the cutting sensation did seem to dull my pain. It found ways to clear my head, and with great regret I realized I must return home and leave my beloved Singapore.
I originally traveled to Singapore for a few reasons, mainly because I was so frustrated with my life at that time. Particularly my relationships which all seemed to last between 1 and 2 years, that is since my 10 year marriage and divorce. It was during that time I felt I was getting old and not accomplishing the things I had set out to do, on of those things which seemed to be slipping by was traveling the world. So I decided to research where I might travel 2, starting with Asia and Africa as top level destinations. I decided I wasn't ready for Africa although it seemed to call to me. So picking the lesser of 2 evils (sorry I didn't mean it dear Africa) I choose Asia, which is probably and actually the most evil, but not as deadly.
In retrospect I see that most of my really big life changes have come from a dis-satisfaction with my love life.
Anyway after further research I concluded that Singapore would be my first port of call, because of it being the only Asian country where English is not only the first language, but is used by most of it's residents. If you don't believe that, look it up. T-h-e-y s-p-e-a-k v-e-r-y g-o-o-d e-n-g-l-i-s-h, although they are quick to point out they speak proper queens English. This is also laughable, because it may not be our bastard american English, but it is pigeon Queens English. And that is it's true colour (not a misspelling, but rather honest and correct UK English.)
Anyway in my infinite male-slutiness I decided to recruit a Singapore girlfriend, which I managed to do before I even got there, I am so capable! It always amazes me my (and people in general) ability to lie to oneself about one's motivations. I guess we all have a bit of whore in us (don't deny it!) In my defense I did really love her and married her which lasted over 10 years (OMG another pattern.) She, or I should say we became disenfranchised the first time after I lost focus on my life (not again) and separated from her for a few months. During that time I realized I was not doing my readings, meditating or teaching, which are all things I love to do. Apparently these things were not only my love but also my heart, and it was withering. So I returned to my wife and explained my unhappiness and that it had nothing to do with her. That I had left because I needed to find myself and I had done so. She was very intrigued and began sitting in my readings, learned to meditate and "control" energy. She seemed to love it as much as I did, not only that I am very sure she found answers and power she may never have found without those experiences.
A year after my epiphany and reunion with my Singapore wife, I opened Be Psychic. The name I sort of stole from a failing new age magazine called "BE." Such a perfect name "BE". What else could BE so perfect in describing human existence and spirituality. But I could not steal it outright and BE by itself although profound is not a very good indication of what you do.... "What do you do?", 'Oh, I be!' In my case I was being Psychic and that is also what I taught, to be psychic or to be of one's spirit.
My little school, Be Psychic, flourished and grew slowly but steadily for 8 years. It was after the eight year that things went bad. I had a Japanese graduate who opted to join our apprentice program. She was not happy with the way things were and felt we should be more airy-fairy like most other people. We didn't have enough beauty, false compassion and wishful thinking. After I reprimanded her for trying to "fix" my little school she began campaigning with the other staff to over throw my little school. Actually at first she tried to take all my staff and start her own love and light festival, when she found my staff were to loyal then she started sabotaging. After some time everyone seemed to be revolting, at least it was to me. My Singapore wife decided she didn't like the heat and got out of the kitchen, or in plain English she told me she no longer wished to work in the school.
I guess I had not realized how much I relied on her. At first I just tried to respect her decision, but after some time I became more and more resentful that she had abandoned my mission and me. Things just went down hill rapidly from there. She began resenting me for spending so much time at the school and "caring about your stupid school more than me", I resented her for not being there. I should have cleared the decks and just fired most of my staff, but I didn't trying to keep things together. Our numbers went down, then we had a difficult time paying the rent. Then I had to close down the school, which was so damn depressing I just lost hope.
I separated again, going my own way. I began finding young ladies who glorified foreigner men and drowned my sorrows in tons of sweet young Asian pussy. After 4 months of this I began to realize I could not keep this up, I felt shallow and empty, even lots of good sex could not disperse it. I became deeply depressed and in a dark moment decided to end my life. Taking a sharp knife I cut into my wrists, vertically so as to do it correctly. Interestingly the knife could not seem to reach any large arteries. I recall this has always been a problem for me, I would always have to look away when getting shots because the needle would simply break before it would find a vein or artery in my body. Anyway, my suicide was failure, but the cutting sensation did seem to dull my pain. It found ways to clear my head, and with great regret I realized I must return home and leave my beloved Singapore.
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